Glow Sticks and Other Priorities (One Minute Memoir)

A Memoir of Ignored Limits, Floor Finds, and a Very Uneven Spotlight

Setting: March 2026

Caleb had a glow night dance at school. Holden doesn’t even go there yet. Different school, different building, different everything. But we all went.

At the entrance, each kid could take two glow stick bracelets. Holden took his two like it was a personal inconvenience, as if he already suspected they wouldn’t be enough. Caleb took his and moved on.

The second we walked into the gym, Caleb was gone, straight to the dance floor, jumping, spinning, fully committed to the moment. Holden stepped inside, looked around, and immediately found something else to focus on.

He started picking glow sticks up off the floor. One by one. Quiet. Methodical. Like a man on a mission.

I asked what he was doing. “I’m finding the owners.”

That lasted maybe five minutes.

After that, he just kept collecting: from the floor, from chairs, from anywhere a glow stick had been abandoned for even a second. He moved through the gym like a tiny, determined scavenger. At one point, he came and sat next to me.

“Count them.”

I did. 

Twenty.

Across the gym, Caleb was still dancing. No breaks, no hesitation, just music and movement and sweat and joy. Holden sat beside me like a very satisfied businessman.

Then the DJ played "Bye Bye Bye," which felt wildly out of place at an elementary school dance in 2026 and also completely correct. Suddenly I was ten again. Or thirteen. Somewhere in that *NSYNC era where this song was everything and you knew the hand motions whether you admitted it or not.

I lit up. “THIS is my music.”

Caleb kept dancing. Holden did not.

The dance was exactly one hour long. At 7:30 on the dot, the DJ cut a song off halfway through and turned everything off. Lights up. Done.

The next day, the school posted photos on Facebook. There was one of Holden, standing there with his pile of glow sticks like he’d just won something. Caleb wasn’t in any of them.

It was his school. His dance. He spent the whole night exactly where you’d expect him to be: in the middle of it, moving, laughing, not thinking about anything except the music. Holden spent it differently. Drifting, noticing, gathering things no one else cared about, until somehow he was the one with something to show for it.

It wasn’t even his dance, but Holden made it his own.

Caleb was just happy to be there.

This post is part of my One-Minute Memoir series — short reflections on small moments that still manage to say something big.

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2026 Goals: Q1 Check-In

Q1 Check-In: Fewer Lists, Clearer Focus

At the beginning of the year, I stepped away from monthly goal posts and narrowed my focus to a smaller set of priorities in a few broad categories. The goal was to stop constantly resetting and give a few things enough time to actually work. 

 

Now that the first quarter is over (January 1 – March 31), I wanted to check in on how that’s going. Some areas moved quickly. Some didn’t move at all. But overall, this already feels steadier than the constant cycle of starting over.

Health Goals

Goal:

• Lose 78 pounds

Q1 Progress

• Lose 78 pounds: 18.2/78 (23.3%)
  Status: In Progress

This is the category where the “fewer, better habits” approach worked the most. I lost 18.2 pounds in three months, and while it means I'm slightly behind on where I need to be for this goal, I'm proud of what I've done and how I've done it. I didn’t overhaul everything. I stuck with smaller portions, cut back on sugar, and let consistency build over time.

 

It hasn’t felt dramatic day to day, but the results are real. That matters more than doing something extreme for a few weeks and burning out.

Running Goals

Goals:

• Go for 80 runs
• Complete 3 races

Q1 Progress

• Go for 80 runs: 0/80 (0%)
  Status: Not Started
• Complete 3 races: 0/3 (0%)
  Status: Not Started

This one hasn’t started yet. I didn’t force it, but I also didn’t prioritize it. If I want this to become part of the year, it needs to actually start in Q2.

Money Goals

Goals:

• Pay off credit cards completely (3 total)
• Increase savings by $2,000
• Raise my credit score from 736 to 760

Q1 Progress

• Pay off credit cards: 3/3 (100%) ✔️
  Status: Complete
• Increase savings: $3,960 / $2,000 (198%) ✔️
  Status: Complete
• Raise credit score: 740/760 (+4)
  Status: In Progress

This was the biggest shift of the quarter. Paying off all three credit cards completely changed where my money goes each month, and my savings still increased more than expected while I was focused on debt. The credit score goal isn’t there yet, but it’s moving in the right direction. I also can't influence it a whole lot, which I suppose I should have thought of earlier. 

 

More than anything, this category feels different now. It’s less about fixing problems and more about deciding what to do next.

Reading Goals

Goals:

• Read 100 books
• Complete at least 3 series (Hunger Games, Dread Nation, Birthright)
• Finish Freida McFadden's backlist
• Finish Noelle Ihli's backlist

Q1 Progress

• Read 100 books: 9/100 (9%)
  Status: In Progress
• Complete 3 series: 0/3 (0%)
  Status: Not Started
• Freida backlist: 19/30 (63.3%) ◦ Q1: +1
  Status: In Progress
• Noelle backlist: 3/8 (37.5%) ◦ Q1: +1
  Status: In Progress

This category is slower than I expected. I’ve made some progress, but not enough to feel real momentum yet, especially on series.

Both authors have new releases coming out this year, but I’m keeping the original totals as my goal and treating anything new as extra afterward so the finish line doesn’t keep moving. 

 

Backlist Trackers

Listed in publication order.
✔️ = read prior to 2026
✔️ bold = read in 2026
• = not yet read

Noelle Ihli (3/8 • publication order)

• The Thicket (2021)
✔️ Ask for Andrea (2022)
✔️ Run on Red (2022)
✔️ Room For Rent (2023)
• Gray After Dark (2024)
• None Left to Tell (2024)
• Such Quiet Girls (2025)
• Forget You Saw Her (2025)

Upcoming, not included in goal: The Last to Drown (July 2026)

Freida McFadden (19/30 • publication order)

✔️ The Devil Wears Scrubs (2013)
✔️ Dead Med (2014)
✔️ Baby City (2015)
✔️ Brain Damage (2016)
• The Devil You Know (2017)
✔️ The Surrogate Mother (2018)
✔️ The Ex (2019)
• The Perfect Son (2019)
✔️ The Wife Upstairs (2020)
✔️ One By One (2020)
✔️ Want to Know a Secret? (2021)
• The Locked Door (2021)
✔️ Do Not Disturb (2021)
✔️ Do You Remember? (2022)
✔️ The Housemaid (2022)
• The Inmate (2022)
✔️ Never Lie (2022)
✔️ The Housemaid’s Secret (2023)
✔️ Ward D (2023)
• The Coworker (2023)
✔️ The Gift (2023)
✔️ The Teacher (2024)
• The Housemaid is Watching (2024)
• The Boyfriend (2024)
✔️ The Housemaid’s Wedding (2024)
• The Widow's Husband's Secret Lie (2024)
• The Crash (2025)
✔️ The Tenant (2025)
• The Intruder (2025)
• Death Row (2025)

2026 releases, not included in goal: Dear Debbie, The Dinner Party, The Divorce, The Witch

Series Tracker

✔️ = read
• = not yet read

The Hunger Games

• The Hunger Games
• Catching Fire
• Mockingjay
• The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
• Sunrise on the Reaping

Dread Nation

• Dread Nation
• Deathless Divide

Birthright

• All These Things I’ve Done
• Because It Is My Blood
• In the Age of Love and Chocolate

If I want this category to look different by midyear, I need to be much more deliberate about what I pick up next instead of defaulting to whatever sounds good in the moment.

Blogging Goals

Goals:

• Publish 100 new posts
• Publish 50 One Minute Memoirs

Q1 Progress

• Publish 100 posts: 35/100 (35%)
  Status: In Progress
• Publish 50 OMM: 13/50 (26%)
  Status: In Progress

This is the most consistent I’ve been with blogging in a long time. More than the numbers, it feels structured now. I’m writing regularly, posting consistently, and getting clearer on what I want this space to be.

Q1 Summary

• Lose 78 pounds: In Progress
• Go for 80 runs: Not Started
• Complete 3 races: Not Started
• Pay off credit cards: Complete ✔️
• Increase savings: Complete ✔️
• Raise credit score: In Progress
• Read 100 books: In Progress
• Complete 3 series: Not Started
• Freida backlist: In Progress
• Noelle backlist: In Progress
• Publish 100 posts: In Progress
• Publish 50 OMM: In Progress

Q2 Focus (April 1 – June 30)

• Health: Continue steady weight loss without changing what’s already working. Focus on consistency over speed. In Q2, I’d like to lose 15 pounds.
• Running: Start running regularly, even if it’s only 1–2 times per week to begin building the habit. In Q2, I’d like to hit 20–25 runs and sign up for at least one race.
• Money: Maintain momentum by continuing to build savings while making steady progress on my retirement loan. Focus on consistency rather than trying to force outcomes like credit score changes.
• Reading: Make visible progress on at least one series and continue moving through both author backlists more intentionally. I need to increase my pace in Q2, with a goal of 25–30 books, including one completed series and consistent backlist progress.
• Blogging: Maintain three posts per week while refining the balance between essays, memoirs, and lighter posts. I'd been intentionally focusing on more serious "writerly" pieces since my return to blogging in 2025, but I think it's time to shift slightly and bring some lighter, more "daily life" type content back in as well. 

Three months in, everything isn’t where I want it to be.  But nothing has been reset, either. I’m still working from the same list, still building on what’s already there instead of replacing it every few weeks.

That alone feels different from how I usually do this, and it’s enough to keep going. 

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Not Nothing

On slow progress, quiet moments, and the things I still like

I’ve been in a cynical mood lately.

Not in a dramatic, everything-is-falling-apart way. Just tired, and not even in a way that feels worth explaining. Things just feel flat more often than not, like I’m putting in effort and it’s not really going anywhere fast enough to matter.

There’s always something.

My weight loss is slower than I hoped. The migraines are still there. The balances are going down, just not fast enough. It’s all effort, and the return on it feels pretty minimal lately.

I’m not trying to spin that into something positive.

This isn’t a “find the joy” phase or whatever people call it. I’m not waking up grateful. I’m not reframing anything. I’m not sitting here thinking this is all part of some bigger meaningful process.

But there are still things I like.

Not big things. Just small ones that happen anyway.

The first sip of my McDonald’s Diet Coke in the morning. It’s always the same. Cold in a way that feels sharper than anything else. Crisp and reliable. It hits exactly the way I expect it to, every single time.

Finishing a book is another one. Turning the last page, closing it and sitting there for a second. Updating my reading tracker, my counters, seeing the numbers move. It’s small, but it feels like progress. Like something I can point to and say I actually finished it. And then there’s that brief flicker of excitement, figuring out what I’ll read next, knowing I’m about to step into a completely different story.

At night, when the kids are asleep and nothing else is being asked of me, I get into bed and turn something on. Lately it’s been true crime, documentaries, or going back to Grey’s when I don’t feel like thinking too much. It’s not productive. It’s not important. It just feels like mine for a little while.

And then there are the moments that don’t make any sense at all.

The other night, Holden looked at me, completely out of nowhere, and said, “Mom, when you turn 40, you should be a beekeeper.”

No context. No buildup. Just said it like it was obvious, even though I hate insects. And it made me laugh. Not in a big, meaningful way. It just caught me off guard enough to break through everything else for a minute.

None of this fixes anything. The bigger stuff is still there. The frustration, the waiting, the feeling of being stuck in a version of life I didn’t plan on staying in this long.

It’s not a transformation. It’s not a turning point. I don’t feel different. I don’t feel better. But I also can’t say there’s nothing good at all.

These small moments keep showing up. Not enough to change anything. Not enough to fix it. But they’re still there. Even when everything else feels like it isn’t moving.

And right now, that’s what I have.

Not happy.

But not nothing.

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Play it Again, Mom (One Minute Memoir)

A Memoir of Flutes, Feelings, and Coming Full Circle

Setting: August 2023 — The summer Holden fell for Celine and I relived 1997.

My parents always said they spent hundreds of dollars for me to learn to play “My Heart Will Go On” on the piano. It was my big recital song, months of lessons leading up to one minute on the church stage.

I never practiced. Not once.

So imagine my surprise when Holden, at five, took a sudden interest in the Titanic. He couldn’t pronounce it quite right, but he could rattle off facts like a tiny tour guide. He even had a captain’s hat and a shirt that proudly declared: Just a Boy Who Loves the Titanic.

Then he discovered the song.

“Can you play the Titanic song?” he’d ask. And then again. And again. Every day for weeks.

And I, a millennial mom who lived through the 1997 Titanic obsession in real time, complied. Naturally. Because who am I to deny Celine Dion?

So I’d cue it up.

The opening flute. The tragic yearning. The ocean of childhood feelings that floods in like the iceberg itself. Instantly, I’m back on my bedroom floor, surrounded by notebooks and folders, carefully writing "I ❤️ Leo" in the margins like it meant something, like I was part of it somehow.

The song would end, and Holden’s voice would follow, right on cue:

“Can you play it again?”

I’d sigh. I’d hit play. Again.

And again.

Eventually, the phase passed. But every now and then, when I hear that familiar flute, I still think of him — a little boy in a captain’s hat, the ghost of my own childhood looping softly behind him while he asks for it on repeat.

Some things, it seems, really do go on… and on.

This post is part of my One-Minute Memoir series — short reflections on small moments that still manage to say something big.

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Month in Review: March 2026

March 2026 in Review

March felt like a month made up of moments. Not one big defining thing, but a collection of nights out, small wins, kid milestones, and a few unexpected highs that ended up meaning more than I thought they would. It wound up being a fuller month than expected. Here's how it all shook out.

📊 Month by the Numbers

Weight: ⬇️ 6 lbs

Books: 2 

Blog Posts: 13

OMMs: 5

Savings: ⬆️ $570

Debt: ⬇️ $149.17

Runs: 0

Migraines: 8

Highlights

• Two movie nights, two very different vibes: I saw Scream 7 with my two best friends. It was campy, chaotic, and honestly just really good to be back together again. It had been too long. Later in the month, I took the boys to see Hoppers on a discount Tuesday. They loved it. I thought it was cute. We loaded up on popcorn and made a pre-movie stop at the dollar store for candy and pop, which honestly might have been their favorite part.
• Glow Night & school life: Caleb had his school glow dance and both boys had a great time. I also had a productive and helpful meeting with Holden's school that went pretty well!
• Holden’s social calendar: Holden had his first real playdate! We met up with two of his friends to go bowling (slightly chaotic, fully successful). Later in the month, he went to a roller skating birthday party where the skating was questionable but the laser tag and arcade games were elite.
• Bingo, but make it a win: We go to our community center's Bingo night every month. Sometimes it results in tears. But this month? This month delivered. Caleb won in the first round, the boys inhaled questionable pizza, and Holden ended the night by winning the big Squishmallow raffle. A full victory sweep.
• Food adventures (mixed results): We tried the K Pop Demon Hunters meal at McDonald’s (fun, chaotic, lots of nuggets), hit Dave’s Hot Chicken for the first time (too hot, immediate regret), and went to the Chinese buffet with my parents, where Holden confidently explored things no one asked him to try, including crawfish (he loves) and octopus (not a fan).
• Broadway night: My aunt and I saw Kimberly Akimbo and were completely blown away. Funny, weird, and unexpectedly heartfelt.
• Quiet financial follow-through: Now that my credit cards are paid off, I shifted my focus to what’s next. I set up a repayment plan for my retirement loan and re-enrolled in my NYS deferred comp (457) contributions. Nothing flashy, but the kind of steady, behind-the-scenes moves that actually change things long term.
• A moment I wasn’t expecting: I wrote an essay about Cindy — the baboon in Namibia I had followed and loved for years — and shared it, hoping it might somehow reach Ruben and his family (Ruben was her human "brother" who shared her life with people all over the world). I didn’t really think it would, but I tried anyway. I left comments. Tagged them in stories. Messaged his page. And after two days of attempts and with bated breath, I opened my inbox to a message back from him. He had read it. He loved it. He thanked me. Then he shared the link (with his MILLIONS of followers) on Instagram and Facebook with a really meaningful caption. His mom shared it as well. It was one of those surreal, emotional, “did that really just happen?” moments. I lived off that high for the rest of the week. As a writer, this was a really big moment for me with a lot of exposure. But as a human, it was even bigger. I wanted the family to know what she meant to me and how grateful I was to them for sharing her. To know I reached them still delights me to no end. 

📚 What I Read

Only two books this month, but both solid reads.

• The Last Party by A.R. Torre ★★★★☆
• The Family Next Door by John Glatt ★★★★☆

Favorite: The Last Party
Yearly Progress: 9 / 100

🎬 What I Watched

Movies

• Scream 7 ★★★★☆ — campy, self-aware, and exactly what you want from this franchise at this point. Saw it with my two best friends, which made it even better. A masked killer returns (again), but the fun is in how over-the-top it leans into itself. I now need to watch the rest of the series (I've only seen the first three or so).
• Hoppers ★★★☆☆ — cute, easy, and completely kid-approved. We made a full night of it with popcorn and dollar store candy. A light, family-friendly story that doesn’t try too hard and doesn’t need to.

TV

• Grey’s Anatomy — rewatch era continues (rewatch ◦ s:2 e:1–3)

Documentaries & Docuseries

• Death in Apartment 603: What Happened to Ellen Greenberg? (Hulu, 2025) ★★★☆☆ — frustrating and thought-provoking. Explores the suspicious death of a woman and the lingering question of suicide vs. homicide. I'd heard of this case before, but the details were shocking. Really well done... and managed to enrage me. (3 episodes)
• Friends Like These: The Murder of Skylar Neese (Hulu, 2026) ★★★☆☆ — a brutal case involving teenage girls that’s hard to sit with. A look at the dynamics that led to a shocking and tragic crime. This series was well done and interesting to watch. (3 episodes)
• Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God (HBO Max, 2023) ★★★★★ — completely unhinged in the best way. A deep dive into a cult built around a self-proclaimed spiritual leader that somehow gets more unbelievable the longer you watch. I honestly loved it and could not turn away. (3 episodes)
• Escaping Twin Flames (Netflix, 2023) ★★★★☆ — still fully in my cult documentary phase. Follows a group that claims to help people find their “twin flame,” but quickly spirals into manipulation and control. Crazy and compelling! (3 episodes)
• Tell Me Who I Am (Netflix, 2019) ★★☆☆☆ — fascinating topic, slower execution. A man loses his memory after an accident and relies on his twin to reconstruct their shared past — except not everything is told. (film)

Coming Up in April

We have another musical coming up (A Beautiful Noise), plans to see the new Mario movie, and, once again, hopes that the weather finally cooperates enough to get back into running. I’m aiming for a bit more consistency this month: something like a few runs, a handful of books, and continuing to chip away at both my savings and weight. Nothing dramatic... just steady progress.

See you next month.

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On My Own Two Feet (New Chapters)

New Chapters ◦ Chapter Three: The Return ◦ Entry 3

This essay is part of my New Chapters series — a collection of personal essays organized into themed chapters that trace different seasons of rebuilding and becoming.

← Previous: Not the Same, Not Yet 

On Stability, Self-Trust, and Choosing What Comes Next. 🌿

There was a version of my life not that long ago that felt like it was being held together with duct tape and adrenaline.

Everything felt urgent. Bills. Decisions. Conversations. I wasn’t thinking five steps ahead. I was thinking about how to get through the week without something else breaking.

During the divorce, my finances were the clearest reflection of that chaos. Credit card balances climbing. Interest compounding. Payments that felt like bailing water out of a boat with a teaspoon.

I told myself it was temporary. That once things settled, I’d sort it out.

In February, the credit cards were finally paid off.

After years of carrying them. After watching them grow during instability. After months of slowly chipping away at them.

They hit zero.

But what I didn’t realize then was that it wasn’t just about the balances. It was about how powerless I felt inside of them.

When money feels unstable, everything feels unstable. You don’t feel free to make decisions. You feel cornered by them. You calculate constantly. You brace constantly. You adapt constantly.

You survive.

Somewhere along the way, that started to change.

Not overnight. Not with a dramatic reset. Just small, steady decisions made over and over again. Tracking instead of avoiding. Paying a little extra when I could. Choosing long-term relief over short-term comfort.

The numbers eventually moved.

But more importantly, so did I.

For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like I’m one unexpected expense away from panic. I don’t check my account with dread. I don’t feel like my life could tip over because of one misstep.

I built breathing room.

Breathing room doesn’t just change your bank balance. It changes your posture. It changes the way you walk into rooms. It changes how you decide what you will tolerate and what you won’t.

And that breathing room has changed more than my bank balance.

It’s changed how I think about my future.

When you’re in survival mode, you don’t dream. You cling. You make decisions based on fear. You hold onto what’s in front of you because you don’t trust that you could land on your feet if it disappeared.

But when you know you can stand on your own, something shifts.

You stop scanning every decision for danger. You start scanning for alignment.

You start asking different questions.

Not “How do I hold this together?”

But “What do I actually want?”

That’s new for me.

I’m thinking about career growth in a way that feels expansive instead of desperate. I’m not looking for something to save me. I’m looking for something that fits. I’m thinking about where I want to live, not just where I can afford to exist. I’m thinking about opportunities without immediately calculating whether I’d survive the risk.

I don’t feel rescued.

I feel capable.

That’s the difference.

No one swooped in. No dramatic bailout. No external fix.

Just months of quiet, unglamorous work: steady payments. Clearer boundaries. More intentional choices.

It’s strange how invisible this kind of rebuilding is while you're in it. There’s no applause for paying off credit cards slowly. No celebration for choosing stability over impulse. No milestone marker for becoming less reactive.

But internally, it feels enormous.

Because for the first time since my life split open, I feel like I’m not rebuilding around fear.

I’m rebuilding around strength.

The stability isn’t flashy. It doesn’t look like a new house or a fancy car or some dramatic reinvention yet. It looks like spreadsheets and routines and showing up consistently.

It looks like standing up on my own two feet and realizing I’m not wobbling anymore.

I didn’t just fix my finances. I paid off the credit cards that once felt impossible. And somewhere between the first payment and the last, I stopped waiting to be steadied.

I steadied myself.

Visit the New Chapters landing page to explore each chapter and read the story in order.

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