Before I Had a Name for It: Living With POTS

Before I had a name for it, there were signs. Every so often, my body reacted in ways I couldn’t explain. A dizzy spell here, a shaky moment there... things that came and went without a pattern. They were strange, but infrequent enough that I brushed them off and moved on with my life.

I had heard of POTS before my diagnosis, but never in a way that made me connect the dots to my own life. For years, I just lived inside a body that sometimes reacted to everyday things in ways that didn’t make sense. Strange episodes would happen, then fade, and I’d tuck them away somewhere in the back of my mind because I didn’t know how to interpret them.

I assumed I was overly sensitive, dehydrated, anxious, dramatic, or just unlucky. It wasn’t until 2021, after my gastric bypass surgery, that the scattered pieces finally formed a picture. But to understand that, it helps to understand what was happening underneath.

What Dysautonomia and POTS actually are

Dysautonomia is an umbrella term for disorders of the autonomic nervous system, the system that automatically regulates heart rate, blood pressure, circulation, digestion, and temperature without us thinking about it.

When that system misfires, the body doesn’t adjust the way it should.

One form of dysautonomia is Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). POTS is defined by a sustained increase in heart rate of at least 30 beats per minute within ten minutes of standing, without a significant drop in blood pressure. In simple terms: when most people stand up, their bodies adjust smoothly. In POTS, the heart races to compensate for blood that isn’t circulating properly.

Blood pools in the lower body. The brain doesn’t get what it needs quickly enough. The heart overcorrects.

POTS can feel like:

  • dizziness or tunnel vision
  • heat rushing through the body
  • shaking and sweating
  • nausea
  • temperature dysregulation and feeling either too hot or too cold
  • a heart racing too fast for the situation
  • profound, disproportionate fatigue

 

Some people with POTS are also prone to vasovagal syncope, another form of dysautonomia. Vasovagal episodes are typically triggered by pain, emotional distress, or medical procedures, and involve a sudden drop in heart rate and blood pressure, often leading to fainting or near-fainting. 

I  experienced several dramatic episodes over the years leading up to my diagnosis.

The first incident (nearly 20 years ago)

One of the earliest signs happened nearly twenty years ago during what was supposed to be a routine OB-GYN appointment. The exam was unexpectedly painful and emotionally jarring. My body reacted instantly.

Heat rushed through me. My hands shook. My vision darkened at the edges. My legs barely held me up.

I made it to the waiting room and sat down fast because I could feel myself slipping. And then I threw up in my lap. No warning. No time to move. Just my body shutting down in a room full of strangers.

At the time, I thought I had embarrassed myself. I told myself I was too sensitive.

Looking back now, that episode was likely a vasovagal reaction — a reflex of the autonomic nervous system triggered by sudden pain and stress. It wasn’t drama. It was physiology.

The cruise incident (2016)

In 2016, on the morning I was taking off for a cruise with my grandparents, I woke up violently sick and spent the morning throwing up. The stomach bug itself probably wasn’t POTS, but everything afterward fell into the same pattern.

Despite the rough morning, I made it out to the car and felt fine for most of the ride to the cruise port, because I was seated. The second I stood in the parking garage at the Port of Tampa, my body collapsed into chaos.

Dizzy. Shaky. Sweaty. My legs barely working. My vision dimming. It felt like gravity had doubled.

I squatted in the elevator because staying upright was too much. When we finally made it down and outside, I immediately sat on the sidewalk, because I was unable to stand, and promptly threw up again. Paramedics came. When they had me stand to check my vitals, my heart rate surged and my blood pressure dropped, something that can happen with dehydration and autonomic instability. They took me to the ER, and after IV fluids and medication, I finally felt stable enough to function.

That episode was likely a combination of severe dehydration and autonomic dysfunction. It wasn’t yet chronic or positional in the way POTS would later become, but it was another sign that my nervous system did not handle stress normally.

The COVID test incident (2020)

In 2020, I had one of those early deep COVID swabs — the kind that felt like they were trying to swab your brain. The moment it was over, the internal alarm went off again.

Heat. Dizziness. Nausea. A heart that felt like it had jumped into a sprint. My hands shook, and I felt unsteady.

I started to drive home. Moments after getting on the expressway, my vision tunneled and black spots floated in front of me. Sweat ran down my back. My hands were trembling on the wheel. I pulled off at the nearest exit and parked because I genuinely wasn’t sure I could stay conscious.

I sat there with the windows down, waiting for the world to come back into focus.

That episode, too, was likely vasovagal, a pain-triggered reflex response of an overly reactive autonomic system.

I didn’t know it then. I didn't know it had a name. I just knew that it was happening again.

The turning point: surgery and everything that followed (2021)

My gastric bypass in 2021 was a major physical stressor. For many people, surgery can trigger or worsen autonomic disorders. For me, it was the moment everything shifted from occasional to constant.

At a follow-up visit, my surgeon checked my pulse and immediately knew something wasn’t right. My resting heart rate was far too high. She sent me to the ER because she didn’t know what was causing it, and after running many tests, they discovered I was severely dehydrated.

But even after fluids, something remained different.

Suddenly, every time I stood up, my heart rate jumped dramatically. My legs shook. My vision filled with stars. Heat made everything worse. I had to brace myself on walls just to walk down the hallway.

This was different from the earlier episodes.

It wasn’t triggered by pain.
It wasn’t tied to a procedure.
It was positional.
It was persistent.
It happened nearly every time I stood.

That pattern is what defines POTS.

The day I fell

The months immediately after surgery were scary. I risked falling nearly every time I stood. Luckily, there’s only been one full-on collapse. I was walking down the hallway, one hand on the wall for stability, my phone in the other, when everything tunneled again. This time, there was no catching myself like all the other times before.

My legs gave out. My phone flew out of my hand. My head hit the floor. When I came back around, my entire body was shaking.

It wasn’t clumsiness. It wasn't a trip. It was my autonomic system shutting down mid-step.

The diagnosis: finally connecting the dots

Because my heart rate remained high and I was constantly dizzy upon standing, my surgeon eventually referred me to a cardiologist. Sitting in that cardiology office, for the first time, someone listened to my history not in isolated pieces, but as a whole.

Suddenly, the moments I’d carried for years lined up:

  • the cruise collapse
  • the dehydration ER trip
  • the walking issues after surgery
  • the OB-GYN episode nearly twenty years ago
  • the COVID expressway scare
  • the fall in the hallway
  • the constant, bone-deep exhaustion

 

Seeing them together was the first time the full picture came into focus. Nothing was random. Nothing was weakness. Nothing was “just stress.” The diagnosis was POTS, a form of dysautonomia.

Some of my earlier dramatic episodes were likely vasovagal reflexes. After surgery, the pattern shifted into chronic, positional tachycardia. That was POTS fully surfacing. 

The other thing I learned that day is that there’s no cure for POTS and no single treatment that works for everyone. I was advised to take salt pills, drink more fluids, and exercise regularly (my cardiologist recommend running specifically). The salt pills were awful — I lasted about a month on them before giving up — and the rest has been more about managing symptoms than making them disappear. POTS is something you live with, not something you fix.

 

The kind of tired you can’t sleep off

The dizziness, the constant racing heart, and all the near-fainting spells were the most obvious symptoms that sounded the initial alarm, but fatigue has been the through-line of all of this: one of the most common, debilitating, and misunderstood symptoms of POTS. It’s not the kind of tiredness that goes away with a good night’s sleep.

My body works harder than it should to do things most people never have to think about:

  • standing and walking
  • regulating my heart rate
  • keeping blood where it needs to go
  • managing temperature
  • handling noise, light, and stimulation
  • recovering between movements and positions

 

Even simple tasks cost extra energy. Even good days start on a lower battery. My body constantly working overtime behind the scenes leads to permanent exhaustion. When you have an unstable nervous system, energy drains faster than it should. As a result, I wake up tired, regardless of how much I sleep, and it never goes away.

Heat drains me. Brain fog shows up and takes over. Migraines flare when my system is overwhelmed. And even now, my heart rate always runs high despite the medication I take to lower it. This has never been just about being tired. It’s about a nervous system that’s constantly working overtime.

 

Other episodes, even recently

Even now, my body still reacts strongly to certain triggers, especially medical procedures. Last year, after a minor procedure, I had another near-fainting episode — the same rush of heat, shaking, dimming vision, and that strange feeling of the world slipping sideways.

This year, when I had another small procedure, I warned the doctor and nurse ahead of time. They kept me lying down afterward, handed me juice and crackers, and didn’t let me stand until the color came back into my face. It helped, but it was also a reminder that my autonomic system can still tip over when it’s pushed.

These episodes don’t happen as often, but they’re part of my reality. I’ve learned to speak up before something goes wrong and to stay horizontal as long as I need to.

 

Where I am now

Luckily, my POTS is currently much less dramatic than it has been in the past. I’m not collapsing every time I stand. I don’t feel like I’m going to fall with every single step, the way I once did. POTS ebbs and flows, and I've been much more stable in recent years. But I’m still exhausted in a way that sleep doesn’t fix. I still deal with brain fog. I still get dizzy or see stars if I stand too fast. And my heart rate still runs higher than it should — all of the time — even with medication. 

I sit more than I stand. I can’t be on my feet for long stretches without paying for it later. Heat still wipes me out. I sometimes move slower than I want to. I adjust constantly, often without thinking.

POTS is still here... just quieter than it used to be.

Understanding what my body is doing hasn’t made the symptoms disappear, but it has changed how I see them. I don’t fight myself the way I used to. I don’t dismiss what I feel. I don’t walk around confused about why my body reacts the way it does.

I finally know the story my body was telling me all along, even when I didn’t have a name for it.

The Grass Was the Best Part (One Minute Memoir)

A Memoir of Sideline Warnings, Dust Clouds, and My Son’s Reluctant Sports Career

Setting: Summer 2025 — Field #3, mostly dirt

“Holden! No more dirt!”

The coach’s voice cut across the field. When I looked up, a huge cloud of dust hovered around Holden like a personal smoke machine — the result of him repeatedly kicking up dirt with his cleats instead of paying any attention to the game.

It was the last soccer game of the season. All the kids were lined up near the goal, waiting for a throw-in or… something. (I don’t know. I don’t understand sports.)

Meanwhile, my son was conducting a one-boy dust storm.

The coach barked again. Holden glanced over his shoulder, shrugged, and gave the dirt another good kick.

It reminded me of his T-ball days, rolling around in the outfield, tossing his hat in the air, fake falling for no reason while the coach shouted, “Get off the grass!” He was on the Yankees team. I’m not sure they ever won a game, but Holden definitely had fun losing.

He’s outgrown the fake falling this year, but now we get dust clouds and sideline warnings instead. A new season, a new set of antics.

And maybe that’s the part I love most. That even when he’s not really playing, he’s still in the game. Still showing up. Still finding his own fun.

He may not chase the ball.
But he never misses the experience.

This post is part of my One-Minute Memoir series — short reflections on small moments that still manage to say something big.

Month in Review: January 2026

January 2026 in Review

January started quietly, with some time off for the New Year and very little fanfare. After the pace of December, the month felt slower and heavier. We dealt with a mix of winter weather and health stuff, but also had some fun!

📊 Month by the Numbers

  • Weight: ⬇️ 6.6 lbs
  • Runs: 0
  • Books Read:
  • Blog Posts: 14
  • One Minute Memoirs: 4
  • Savings: ⬆️ $160
  • Debt: ⬇️ $393.70

Highlights

  • A real winter arrived: January brought a massive snowstorm — over a foot of snow — which meant school cancellations, working from home, and a reminder of what winter used to look like here. It’s been years since we’ve seen that much snow at once. It was... not fun.
  • Health took center stage: It wasn’t my best month health-wise. Between multiple doctor appointments, a clogged ear that required flushing, and a frustrating uptick in migraines, January felt heavier than usual and required more patience than I would’ve liked.
  • Busy calendar for the boys: Between another Bingo night (football themed!), a school math event, and a school carnival for Holden, the kids’ schedules stayed full even in the middle of winter.
  • Caleb’s Solofest debut: Caleb was selected by his band teacher to participate in his first-ever Solofest, where he played the French horn. A big milestone for him and a proud moment for me. He got an excellent score!
  • Birthday celebrations: Caleb turned 11 and celebrated with Get Air and Texas Roadhouse, plus a 3D printer that quickly turned into a replacement saga. I turned 37 and went out of town to mark the occasion.
  • Musical of the month: My aunt and I saw Spamalot. She loved it. I absolutely did not. You win some, you lose some!

📚 What I Read

A slower reading month, but I still managed to finish two books.
  • Room for Rent by Noelle Ihli ★★★☆☆
  • The Tenant by Freida McFadden ★★★☆☆
🏅 Favorite Book of the Month: The Tenant 
Books Read: 2
Yearly Progress: 2 / 100

🎬 What I Watched

  • The Pitt (HBO Max): I now anxiously wait for Thursday nights to watch new episodes. It feels very old-school, like when you had to wait week to week instead of binge everything at once. This show is SO GOOD! (current)
  • ER: I started this after catching up on The Pitt because I love medical shows and I needed something to fill the void! I’m about halfway through season one. I don’t love it yet — it’s a little slow and definitely dated — but I’m sticking with it. (s:1 e:1–11)
  • Grey’s Anatomy: I started another rewatch. It’s still my comfort show. (s:1 e:1–3)
  • Cult Behind the Killer: The Andrea Yates Story (HBO Max): A short documentary series that wasn’t great overall. I learned a bit more about the case, but it didn’t fully work for me. It kind of felt like they were reaching a bit with the cult angle. (complete)
  • Handsome Devil: Charming Killer (Paramount+): An excellent true crime series. Easily one of the better watches of the month. (complete)
  • The Deepest Breath: A fascinating documentary about free diving.
  • Skyscraper Live: A nerve-wracking live Netflix event where Alex Honnold free-solo climbed a 101-story skyscraper that I watched with the boys.

Extras

  • Loved: Celebrating Caleb’s birthday, hearing him shine at Solofest, and setting up spreadsheets to organize my life.
  • Sucked: A rough health month with multiple doctor appointments, a clogged ear, and more migraines than I’d like.
  • On the Menu: Holden and I baked a cake for Caleb's birthday, which Caleb then proceeded to not even eat (not a big fan of sweets... how is he my child?), plus lots of birthday freebies for me: McDonald’s fries, a Crumbl brownie, and a free bundt cake from Nothing Bundt Cakes.
  • Made Me Laugh: Holden, on the phone with a friend who lives five minutes away: “You haven’t had dinner yet?! What time is it in your area?”

Coming Up Next Month

  • Kid events: Another Bingo night and more school events with the boys.
  • Theater night: My aunt and I are seeing Wicked, one of my favorites that I've seen several times. Fun coincidence: Caleb is seeing it the same night on a school field trip.
  • Looking ahead: Hoping for fewer health hiccups and a smoother stretch overall.

What I Learned

Not every month needs a big win to count. Sometimes the progress is quieter... showing up, managing what you can, and finding a few good moments in the middle of winter.

So that’s it for me! See you next month!

Across the Board (One Minute Memoir)

A Memoir of Stolen Turns, Childhood Cheats, and the Boy Across From Me

Setting: August 2025 — At the table with Holden, where the rules are mostly optional.

Playing games with children is lawless.


There are no rules. Or rather, there are rules, but they’re constantly being bent, broken, and reimagined in real time by sticky fingers and mischievous grins.


Growing up, my friends and I loved games. Bingo, poker, all sorts of board games. We were intense. Competitive to the point of chaos. We’d get into full-blown screaming matches with each other and my other mother, who had to referee more than once. The stakes were always high, even if we were just playing for bragging rights.


So I’ve carried that spirit with me. Not in most things — I’m pretty easygoing about life in general — but games? Games are where I draw the line. There’s order. There’s justice. There are consequences for moving a piece out of turn.


Enter: Holden.

Holden loves to cheat.


He’ll move a peg an extra space in Trouble when he thinks I’m not looking. He’ll announce it’s his turn again before I’ve even touched the dice. Sometimes, in a moment of “generosity,” he’ll even try to help me move a piece out of home, despite the fact that I didn’t roll a six.


I usually catch him. I usually call him out. Because that’s not how I play games. Games are sacred. Games have structure. Games are serious.


Tonight, he won three out of three games of Trouble.


Only partly because he cheated.

But mostly because he’s getting older.

He’s learning the moves. Learning the rules. Learning how to beat me fair and square.


And someday, maybe sooner than I’m ready for, he will.


It won’t be like this forever.

One day, the rules will stick. The cheating will stop. The magic will fade just a little.


So tonight, I let it be wild. I let it be messy.

Because somewhere between the stolen turns and extra rolls, I realized he’s still little.

And I’m still lucky enough to be across the board from him.

This post is part of my One-Minute Memoir series — short reflections on small moments that still manage to say something big.

The Stories That Saved Me

On the pages that held me when I couldn't hold myself


There was a stretch of time last summer when I was never without a book in my hand.

I read in the car before work, in the breakroom at lunch, on the couch after dinner, and in bed long after the house had gone still. Every spare moment, every pause in the noise of life, I filled with words that weren’t my own.

Nine, sometimes ten books a month. I moved through them like air. I’d close one, reach for another, and disappear again. It wasn’t discipline or even passion that kept me going. It was survival.

Reading was the only place that didn’t hurt. Between the pages, I didn’t have to think about everything that was falling apart. I could live inside someone else’s story: one with structure and purpose, where things made sense and endings came on time. In a season when my own life felt fractured, fiction became a kind of oxygen.

Looking back, I can see how frantic it was. The pace. The hunger. I wasn’t just reading... I was running.

But somewhere along the way, the need softened. The urgency faded.

I started to look up again. At the light through the window, the sound of the boys laughing in another room. I’d finish a chapter and let the silence stay. I didn’t always reach for the next book right away.

I still read, of course. I always will. But now, it feels different.

It’s not an escape hatch anymore; it’s a companion. Something that steadies me, that moves with me instead of pulling me away. The pace is slower, the pull gentler now. I can close the cover and step back into my own life, one that, little by little, feels like a story worth living again.

Books have always been there: a quiet refuge when the world felt too loud, a steady friend when everything else around me shifted. They carried me through the hardest parts and reminded me of who I was when I started to forget.

They don’t need to hold me up anymore. But they still hold me — in the ways that matter, in the quiet that follows the chaos. 

Now, the words don’t carry me away. They carry me home.

Four Dollars and a Little Doubt (One Minute Memoir)

A Memoir of Tiny Teeth, Craft Box Cash, and the Fight to Keep Believing

Setting: July 2025 — Where the Tooth Fairy was running on improvisation and spare dollars.

The other night, Holden lost another tooth — not the first in a recent run.


This one came loose at bedtime, dramatic and urgent, as if it couldn't wait another minute. It sent us into another late-night scramble, quietly checking wallets and hoping between us we could make it work.


Eventually, Mimi found four folded dollar bills stashed in her wallet... because, of course, I had no cash. As always.


A little while later, Holden saw me with the bills. Unfolded them and examined them, smoothing the creases with his thumb.

“What’s that for?”


I panicked and told him the first thing I could think of:

“Diet Cokes.”


Later, after he was asleep, I slid the money under his pillow, fervently hoping the story would hold overnight. 


In the morning, he woke up and counted it out.

“Hey! You had four dollars too! Are you the Tooth Fairy?!”


Then came the real inspection.

“These are folded the same way! Bent in the middle! Is the Tooth Fairy fake?!”


He kept going, poking holes in the story, testing it from every angle. He even brought it up to Caleb, looking for confirmation I couldn't give him.


Eventually, he tucked the bills into his pink craft box — the one where he keeps his stash — and carried it off to his room. He didn’t say much after that.


I’m not sure he believes anymore.

But I hope we can hold onto the magic just a little bit longer.

This post is part of my One-Minute Memoir series — short reflections on small moments that still manage to say something big.