One of the first things people ask when they hear you’re having a second boy is: “So… will you be trying for a girl?”
If they’re not asking questions, they’re offering advice instead: “Well, maybe the third will be a girl!”
Cue the polite smile and internal sigh.
I don’t get offended. I know most people mean well, and they’re just working off the assumption that the “ideal” family is one boy and one girl. But I usually just laugh it off, because honestly? It’s a narrow way of looking at family.
No, we won’t be “trying for a girl.” We decided on two children years ago, and we chose that number for a variety of reasons: finances, space, and the kind of life we want to live. We’re quiet people who value downtime, and more than two kids would tip the balance too far. We’re happy knowing Caleb and his brother will have each other. That feels complete to us.
For us, it was never about what the two children would be, just that there would be two. I think that’s the most important thing when growing your family: decide based on the number of children you want, not the gender you hope for.
When we were trying to conceive, we weren’t trying for a particular gender, hair color, or personality type. We wished for the children who were meant to be ours — and we got them. We TRIED for our kids, not for a boy or a girl. That’s why the idea of “trying for a girl” now feels so off base.
Still, people assume we’ll “keep going” until we get the other gender, like it’s a carnival game you keep playing until you win the “perfect set.” But if our second had been a girl, those same people would probably say, “Well, you must be done now that you have one of each!”
The truth is, the longer I’ve had to think about my second son, the more grateful I am. This is the child who was meant for our family. I’m proud — deeply proud — to be a boy mom. In fact, I’m not sure how I’d do raising a girl. I’m easily overwhelmed and anxious, and I suspect my personality meshes better with boys. They’re challenging in their own ways, but generally more laid back, and that suits me perfectly.
I wouldn’t trade the family I have for the “ideal” someone else imagines. My boys are exactly who they’re meant to be — and exactly who I was meant to raise.
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