Ever since becoming a mother, I’ve thought a lot about identity.
I find that many mothers lose themselves in motherhood. Some women become moms and instantly quit their hobbies, put their relationships on the back burner, and abandon their aspirations. That’s not the kind of mother I am.
Motherhood has absolutely changed me — and my lifestyle — but I’ve worked hard to maintain my identity through it all. Sure, I have less time and energy for my interests than I used to, but I haven’t given them up. I still read. I still write. I still blog. My career still matters to me. I still make time to connect with friends and go out when I can. I still show up to book club(s).
I think that’s important.
Yes, our children should be a priority — but that doesn’t mean we stop counting as people. We are still individuals with our own hopes, goals, and dreams. And if we let go of all of that in motherhood, then what’s left when the kids grow up and move out?
When asked to sum myself up, it usually goes something like this: Mom of boys. Librarian. Reader. Writer. Lover of Halloween, horror, decor, and primitives. That’s the surface-level version — the “what” of me. You’ll see some variation of that on most of my social media bios.
But what about the “who?”
Who am I underneath it all? What are the pieces of me that exist apart from motherhood and job titles?
Today I want to talk about that — the five biggest traits that make up WHO I am, not just what I do.
Stubborn
I can be stubborn to a fault. When I make up my mind, it’s hard to change it. On a generous day, I call it “determination” — and honestly, they’re often the same thing.
That stubborn streak is what helped me lose weight back in 2012. It’s what earned me a 4.0 GPA in grad school. When I want something, I go all in — full force, no hesitation. That drive has led me to a lot of good things… and, okay, some not-so-good ones too.
Quirky
Unless you know me in person, this one might be hard to explain — but I’m definitely quirky. I have a strange sense of humor, and I can be pretty awkward in social settings. It takes a long time for people to see the real me. I don’t open up easily, even with people I’m close to.
Growing up, I was constantly making weird sound effects with my friends (we considered ourselves “budding filmmakers”), and had some niche obsessions — emus, for example. Now, I randomly burst into song and get weirdly obsessed with very specific interests. I’m not into fashion, makeup, or hair trends. I’ve just never been a “typical” girl.
Introverted
If you know me at all, you probably already know this. I need alone time. I crave quiet, calm, and solitude. Noise, chaos, and constant social interaction leave me completely overwhelmed.
I recharge by reading. By writing. By just being still. I don’t do well at parties. I don’t enjoy gatherings. And if you do convince me to come, you’ll probably find me in the corner quietly watching instead of talking.
Anxious
I’ve had anxiety since I was a kid, and it hasn’t gone anywhere. I worry, overthink, and obsess — about everything. I get stuck in loops. I stress over small details. I constantly check my calendar and groan when there’s too much on it. I don’t do well with change or busy schedules. I want things quiet, predictable, routine.
My anxiety shows up in physical ways, too. I pick at my lips. I have OCD tendencies. I fixate hard on things — sometimes harmless (like wax melts or prim dolls), sometimes exhausting. When something captures my interest, I go ALL IN: I join groups, I learn everything, I live it. Then it fades, and something new comes along.
It’s a cycle. It’s overwhelming. It’s how my brain works. And it makes day-to-day life feel… a lot.
Curious
My family likes to say I ask too many questions — but I can’t help it. I’m endlessly curious. I ask questions during movies. I Google anything that crosses my mind. I love to learn.
When I get interested in something, I dive deep: Amish culture, outer space, true crime cases, random historical events — you name it. I read all the books. I search all the articles. I follow all the rabbit holes.
Sometimes I feel like I have too many interests, but that’s just me. I actually loved college — not for the social side (I basically made zero friends), but for the learning. I would happily go back and audit classes just to keep expanding my brain.
So, that’s me — or at least, five big pieces of the puzzle.
No comments