A Story of Running, Returning, and Remembering Who I Am
I’m not the same person I was before I had a baby.
Then again, I’m not the same person I was four years ago, either. That was when I decided to change my life — to lose weight and get in shape. Many other changes followed as a result: meeting Jerry, getting married, buying a house.
I’ve learned that from the second you become a mother, your life involves many, many sacrifices.
You sacrifice sleep to feed your child.
You sacrifice energy to make sure they’re cared for.
You sacrifice time to give them everything you can.
And all of those sacrifices are worth it. It’s something you sign up for when you become a parent.
But somewhere over the last 14 months of motherhood, I lost some of myself.
This year, I’ve read a total of three books. I’ve written seven blog posts. I’ve run zero races and worked out maybe twice — if that. I’m still up 35 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. And lately, I’m starting to feel those old familiar feelings… the ones where I hate how I look again.
In other words? I’ve been giving everything to my role as a mother and leaving almost nothing for me.
Some of it is truly about time. I work during the day, then take care of the baby at night while Jerry’s at work. Caleb has become a bedtime monster lately — he fights sleep until 10 p.m. most nights — and by the time the housework is done, I have nothing left.
But even so… I know I need to reclaim some of me.
Over the weekend, I took a small but meaningful step: I signed up for my first race in nearly two years. The last one I ran was a festival 5K in 2014 — while pregnant with Caleb. I’m running that same race again in May with Jerry. We’re not remotely prepared, but we’re hoping this gives us the push we need.
I’ll be training again.
I’ll be running again.
I’ll be reconnecting with something that made me feel strong and free.
Running gave me confidence.
Running made me proud.
And I want to feel that again — to feel strong, to feel capable, to feel like me.
A simple 5K might not seem like much, but it’s a re-entry into something that once lit me up. I’m hoping fitness and weight loss will follow. I lost a lot of my pregnancy weight early on, but I’ve hit a wall. This is how I start climbing it again.
And listen — I know this might sound negative. But the truth is: for all the pieces of myself I’ve lost… I’ve also found new ones too.
You have a child, and suddenly your world lights up.
Things that weren’t worth fighting for before suddenly are.
Things that didn’t feel meaningful before suddenly become vital.
Beautiful days seem more beautiful.
Everything feels more important.
While learning to stand up for my son, I’ve learned to stand up for myself.
To say: what about me?
He gives me a voice.
He gives me strength when I need it most.
And now, I’m using that strength to speak up again.
It’s time to make time.
Time for movement.
Time for reading.
Time for writing.
Time for me.
And honestly? I know that will make me a better mom. Because when you care for yourself, you have more strength, more joy, and more love to give to everyone else.
Instead of feeling guilty, I’m choosing to feel empowered.
So here we go.
I’ll see you at the finish line.
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