The night he moved across the hall
Within minutes of Caleb’s life, Jerry cut the first cord — the real cord.
I had to cut my own first cord on Tuesday night. At 14 and a half weeks, it was time for Caleb to sleep in his crib, in his own room, away from me for the very first time.
Since the day he came home, he’d slept inches from my bed in the Rock and Play. Lately though, he’s outgrown it, all arms and legs spilling over the sides. The plan was always to move him to his crib weeks ago, before I went back to work, but I found reasons to delay. The truth: I wasn’t ready to let go.
Once Jerry set up the video monitor, my last excuse disappeared. So Tuesday night, I caved. I predicted a sleepless night, and I wasn’t wrong. The empty space beside me felt wrong. I checked the monitor until my eyes ached. I went into his room twice before I even tried to sleep. At the first whimper, I bolted upright.
He lasted just over three hours in the crib before waking. Back to the Rock and Play he went, and honestly, we both slept better. By the third night though, he surprised me — sleeping through till morning, rotated sideways like he’d been on some secret adventure of his own.
Moving him to his own room was harder than I expected. That first cut was rough. But motherhood is a long series of cords you have to cut: the first night away, the first day of school, the day he stops reaching for your hand, the day he falls in love with someone who isn’t you. Each cut small and ordinary, each cut monumental.
Elizabeth Stone once wrote that to have a child is “to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” I didn’t fully understand it until now. Caleb is my heart — and already, he’s learning to move through the world without me.
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