On mess, motherhood, and being good enough anyway
So apparently, I was supposed to get my kid a Valentine’s Day card this year?
Because to be honest... I just barely got around to grabbing one for my husband — and I sure as hell didn’t make it. Dollar Store, baby.
Was the birthday party supposed to be themed? Because I literally baked a lopsided cake and called it a day. No decorations in sight. It looked like Caleb made it himself. (He didn’t, but honestly? Could’ve fooled me.)
Am I doing this wrong?
We don’t make elaborate crafts. I never pureed homemade baby food. Holiday décor is kept to a minimum because — GRABBY CALEB HANDS. I don’t do themes. Caleb’s yellow and gray elephant nursery was the last coherent “aesthetic” I managed to pull off, and that was before he was born. Now? The house is a mess even though the mess stresses me out. His clothes are usually dirty — thank God for Goodwill — and fancy kid outfits are not a thing in this family. If we can find a clean pair of shorts and a shirt that sort of matches, we’re calling it a win… assuming the laundry even made it to the dresser that week.
Most of my pictures are blurry because I take them on my phone. We don’t buy new toys every week because the child already has more than enough. Sometimes I raise my voice. Sometimes I forget to talk gently. I’ve called my kid a jerk when he’s acting like one. I lose my patience. I screw up.
So to all the Pinterest moms out there — I salute you.
It's like you have it all together. Your kids are always perfectly dressed. You never yell. You plan creative crafts and adorable themed parties. You are fantastic moms, truly. I admire you. I sometimes envy you. And I aspire to be a little more like you… one day.
But Pinterest mom, I am not.
No matter how hard I try, I hate DIYs and crafts. I couldn’t care less about toddler fashion — my kid looks cute in whatever he wears. My baking skills peak at boxed cake mix. Our photos aren’t polished. Caleb doesn’t get bathed every single day. And I know my kid isn’t a perfect angel.
I’m not in a mommy clique. I don’t go to weekly playdates. Honestly? I see those mommy cliques when I’m working at the library and my kid’s at home until I clock out and his dad clocks in.
I guess what I’m saying is… I’m not a perfect mom. And maybe you’re not either.
Maybe you do some of the things I don’t. Maybe you wish you could do more of the things I do. Maybe you wish we could all stop pretending any of us are getting it right 100% of the time. I know I do.
So here’s what really matters:
Love your kids. Be there. Pick them up when they fall. Hold them when they cry. Forgive them when they mess up. Teach them. Encourage their dreams. Hope like hell they’re happy. Let them go when they need freedom, but welcome them back when they need home.
Bake a Pinterest-worthy cake if that’s your thing. Go all out with the themes and crafts if that lights you up.
Or don’t.
You don’t have to be a Pinterest mom to be a good mom.
Your kid won’t remember the party décor or the handmade Valentines. They’ll remember being loved. Being safe. Being seen.
So go ahead. Dress your kid in Gucci. Dress your kid in Goodwill. None of it defines your worth. No two kids are the same, and no two moms will be either.
So let’s just do our best. Let’s stop comparing. Let’s remind ourselves that we are enough — even when the house is a mess and the only thing homemade is our exhaustion. I talk about this a lot — because I still have to remind myself daily of all these things.
And the biggest reminder of them all? That at the end of the day, my kid doesn’t need Pinterest. He just needs me.
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