As with most life changing decisions, I was scrolling Facebook when I happened upon a post from one of our local hospitals.
Wait… that doesn’t sound quite right. Let me start that again.
On the last Saturday night in January, the house was quiet and everyone was asleep but me. I was perusing Facebook — as you do — when an ad caught my eye. It was an ad for one of the local hospital’s bariatric surgery programs. I clicked onto the comments and saw a slew of positive remarks: “Dr. So and So did my surgery and he saved my life.” “Thanks to you, I’ve lost 200 pounds.”
Hmm. Interesting, I thought. Clicking over to their website, I read more about their program and saw that they offered informational seminars, including an online one. I decided to watch it for just a minute, and before I knew it, 20 minutes had gone by and I had finished the whole thing. In it, two of the local surgeons talked about their surgical program and obesity. They explained that obesity is a disease and should be treated as such, with medical interventions when necessary. But the part that really gripped me was their explanations of success with various weight loss programs. They explained that obese people who lose weight on their own are generally successful in the long term only 5% of the time, but that people who lost weight with bariatric surgery were successful in the long term for something like 80% of the time.
Well, they sold me.
Obviously, I’ve been aware of weight loss surgeries for a long time now, and even know several people who have undergone these procedures. But never – not once – did it EVER occur to me that I should or would get one done myself. I don’t know why.
Is it “cheating?” Am I even OBESE enough? (I watch a lot of My 600 Pound Life, and I’m nowhere near that).
I’ve always had a somewhat negative opinion about bariatric surgery. Like many others, I always thought of it as the easy way out. After poring over all of the hospital’s materials, resources, aftercare, and nutrition plans, I determined it was NOT, in fact, the easy way out. I’d been wrong all along.
As soon as I finished the seminar and determined that I was eligible based on my BMI, I filled out their patient form to express my interest. It was noted that I would receive a phone call in 1-2 business days, so I nervously waited.
The next day, I told Jerry about my plans. I was really nervous because I didn’t know what he or anyone else would think, but by now, I was determined. To my delight, he immediately said “I think you should go for it.”
On Monday, I contacted my insurance company to discover – happily – that they cover the surgery after you meet their requirements, with just our regular (and small) hospital copay. I read over their policy with a fine tooth comb, making sure I knew just what I had to do and when to do it. And the fact that our health insurance covers this surgery? To me, that’s a testament that they recognize this as a real, important medical need. That they believe they will spend less money on this surgery than they would in the long run for a person who eventually develops diabetes or other sometimes-weight-related medical problems. This sold me even more.
By Wednesday, having yet to hear from the hospital, I called them because I was ready to get this show on the road. They returned my call later that afternoon to ask if I still wanted to proceed and ask a few follow up questions. Nervously and excitedly, I told them yes. Oh, and then they told me they had an initial consultation opening for TOMORROW, and was I interested? Oh, um, okay, yes?! I thought I had more time to prepare, but I was also ready to jump right in. I verified with work that I could leave early that day for an appointment, then asked Jerry to do the same. They also scheduled me for a nutrition seminar for February 10th… yes, that would be TODAY!
So Thursday came (January 30), and we nervously drove to the hospital where I had my first appointment and initial weigh in with a PA. This appointment was all about my medical history, discussion of next steps (SO MANY next steps), and a blood draw. I left terrified after the blunt but kind PA told me that yes, there CAN be complications in surgery, such as pulmonary embolisms… but that I was young and healthy, so the chances would be slim.
I left with my bag of goodies (a stool sample kit), stacks of paperwork, and felt like I had been punched in the gut. I hadn’t even THOUGHT of surgical or anesthetic complications, but obliged in asking the doctor simply because my mother was scared. When I heard of the potential risks, I was certain I was out. I could not and would not go through with it, and I told Jerry that on the car ride home. So dejected, inflated, and downtrodden was I that I left all of my stuff in the car so I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore.
Speaking of my mom, I was absolutely terrified to tell anyone but Jerry. I had no idea how people would react, especially knowing my OWN negative perceptions about these surgeries before I did my own research. I had to work up the nerve to tell her. On Wednesday night, after I got home from work, I knew the time was coming. My appointment was the next day and I’d have to tell her at some point, so I nervously called her. I made small talk, then somehow segued into the “hey, so I’m looking into weight loss surgery and what do you think?” She was surprised and didn’t say much, but I could tell she didn’t love the idea. The next morning though, she had come around a bit more and said my dad was in full support of it. My mother, bless her, is thin and fit and so she hasn’t experienced weight issues like my dad has. She was concerned about surgical complications, and that was what planted the fear in my head, which would eventually be exacerbated by the honest PA.
Anyway, as mentioned, I left the appointment and mulled it over, almost certain I had changed my mind and wouldn’t move forward with it. But then, I joined some bariatric surgery groups on Facebook. I followed people on Instagram. I looked at picture after picture, and read time and again that these people… they had no regrets, except that they hadn’t done it sooner. That’s honestly the comment that I saw the most. I searched high and low for complications and death rates, scaring myself when I saw the occasional surgical complication, but they were few and far between. Instead, I saw all these people changing their bodies and their mindsets, exclaiming that they gained their lives back as they lost their weight.
And I wanted that too… so anxiously, I dove back in.
All the way in.
I retrieved my packets from the car and I started working my way through the checklists (so many pre-requisites and requirements before surgery). I feverishly made appointments, thought about next steps, and researched the foods I’d have to eat, the vitamins I’d have to take, and how I could make the most of this “tool,” as they call these surgeries. They’re tools only because they’re NOT magic… you have to put in the work, and this tool just helps you along the way.
So that’s how it started… my journey to bariatric surgery. In total, it’s generally a 4-6 month long process from the time you start until the time you actually have the surgery, and I’m just in the very beginning stages still. Next in this new series of mine, I plan to talk about WHY I want to do this surgery, and why I want to do it NOW as opposed to in the future. Then, I plan on documenting all the steps, checklists, appointments, diet changes, and everything else leading up to the big day (and no, I do not have a date yet! They have very specific guidelines and things you have to do before you ever even meet with the surgeon.).
Since making my decision, I’ve told only a VERY small number of people: a couple of people I knew who had the surgery, an aunt, a friend who is also on a strict diet after struggling with weight loss. I didn’t want people to judge me, because honestly? I judged too. Before I dug into it myself, I didn’t understand just how hard it all was and I thought it was the easy way out… but now I know it isn’t easy at all. It can, however, change your life if you let it and you do it right.
After much deliberation and bouncing if off of Jerry, I just decided to let it be and announce it here on the blog. At the end of the day, people can judge me all they want, but why should it matter? My decision affects exactly NO ONE except for me. It will also affect my family in positive ways because I’ll be a better and healthier version of me. But other than that? It’s not affecting anyone else so it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. This is a long, sometimes frustrating, very involved, and very exciting process. Since my blog acts as a journal or scrapbook of sorts for me, I wanted to document it here along the way, so here I am! I certainly hope for support, but not everyone will get it, and that’s okay. This is for me. This is for my family. This is for my health, and happiness, and future. No one else needs to understand.
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