I had a lot of fun when I opened up an “ask me anything” form for my blog readers! I got some great questions that I really enjoyed thinking about and answering. I also got some unexpected dating and advice questions which I tried my best to answer, but I am no expert. What do you think… should I start an advice column? HAHA, kidding!
Thanks to everyone who sent in a question!
Motherhood
What do you think your greatest strengths and weaknesses are as a mother?
This one really made me think, because I tend to be hard on myself as a mother since motherhood has been hard for me!
As for strengths, I like to think I’m a good advocate for my son and his unique needs. I’ve advocated with his doctor and got him enrolled in Early Intervention, and I also have advocated with his soon-to-be preschool to make sure they understand some of his unique things such as sensory sensitivities and his speech delay. I’ve also been good about forming routines and habits with him from very early on. For instance, he has a bedtime of 7:30 every night and he has (almost) always been a good sleeper as a result. Lastly, I like that I provide for him by being a working mom. Not only do I feel that it makes me a good role model for him by having a career, but I also like that I’m financially able to provide for him.
As for weaknesses… I feel like I could go on and on! Moms are very hard on themselves. The biggest weakness I perceive is that I’m not what you would call a “natural” mother, and that makes things more challenging for me. I struggle with every aspect of it, and have to make a concerted effort to be the best mom I can be. It’s all been a learning curve for me, and I am still learning every day. For example, I can still be selfish with my time and I contribute that to being such an introvert. I need time away for myself, and enjoy going to the movies and reading while he plays, for example. I also tend to lose patience quickly since he’s just so intense and loud all the time, and I’ve self-identified as being a “highly sensitive person” (thanks to my friend Stephany for pointing it out to me awhile back – my personality twin, I think!). I get very overwhelmed and irritated by a lot of noise and activity, and we all know that’s BASICALLY what kids are! I’d like to be more patient with him but it’s a challenge!
Thanks for this question. It was very thought-provoking for me!
What is something amazing that you have learned about yourself since becoming a mother?
That I actually have a voice! I’ve always been a passive, shy person but once I became a mother, I did a total 180. I started standing up for myself. When people give me trouble now, I say something instead of just letting it simmer. And one major accomplishment that I credit to becoming a mom was my big promotion at work. In 2016, I got promoted from part time to full time AND I got promoted from library assistant to librarian all in one fell swoop. Earlier in the year, I took many deep breaths and mustered up the courage to ask for a meeting with my two supervisors. I wrote down and planned everything I wanted to say, and practiced for days. Basically, I wanted to show them why I was worthy and deserving of a promotion by presenting my skills and accomplishments, and it worked because just a couple of months later, I got it!
The only thing that gave me the courage and strength to do all that was Caleb. He was my driving force. I learned that I needed to find my voice, not only so that I could better myself and therefore better HIS life by doing so, but also so that I could be a good role model. I want my sons to stand up for themselves, to be courageous and brave even when they’re scared to be.
What do you find most challenging about being a working mom? How do you handle that challenge?
The hardest part is definitely the balancing act that comes along with being a working mom! There’s just so much to do and not enough hours in the day to do it, it seems!
To help, I kind of have to look at my day in “chunks,” and then dedicate myself to doing whatever I have to do in those particular chunks of time. For instance:
Daytime = my work time. I go to work and need to focus on that, while also checking in at home frequently throughout the day.
Evening = my Caleb time and chore time. I spend time with Caleb and do some small chores like feeding and walking the dogs, as well as dishes and tidying up. If I’m doing something social with friends, this also usually occurs during the evening chunk. I bring Caleb along when I can (dinner, book club), but sometimes he doesn’t get to come. The social aspect is another challenge though: I strive to maintain my friendships and relationships, but it’s a challenge on knowing when I’m spending TOO much time away from Caleb to socialize or not enough.
Nighttime = my time. Once Caleb goes to bed, it’s time for myself! This is when I read, watch TV, and just relax.
Weekends = family time and housework time.
Another challenge for me as a working mom is the sometimes accompanying guilt. Sometimes I feel guilty for being away from him and wish I could be home and seeing all of his progress and milestones. Then other times, I feel guilty for just the opposite: for enjoying my career and wanting to flourish and grow in it.
Work & Librarianship
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen at work as a librarian?
Oh wow, we see A LOT of crazy things since we work with the public. It’s never dull here!
Recently, a woman brought several caged birds and just sat with them in our lobby. Why? We do not know. She was told the birds would need to leave, and she didn’t object.
Another time, someone tried to steal some flowers from our front walkway. That one was pretty hilarious to me and I cracked many jokes: “you can borrow our books, our movies, our CDs… but you can’t borrow our flowers!” Oh, and we also have security tags on our items, so I enjoyed saying that we should start tagging our plants.
How did you decide to work in a library?
Great question! I originally was going to college to become a special ed teacher, but decided a couple of years in that the job market was too competitive, so I decided to go a different route. I had always loved the library growing up, so I decided to contact them to see about shadowing. They had me come in one night to sit behind the reference desk and spend some time with a librarian, and it was then that I decided to change paths. I switched my major to English Literature, then went on and got my Masters in Library Science after I finished undergrad.
What draws me to librarianship is that it combines a bunch of my favorite things: books, teaching, learning, research. I get to do different things each day! I also am responsible for our adult fiction collection and social media accounts, both of which I LOVE!
Finances
Have you considered talking to a financial professional to help with your debt? Your interest rates seem high. Great blog! Enjoy reading.
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoy reading! We started working a bit with a financial professional last year before I got pregnant, then we kind of put those goals on hold while we make it through my maternity leave in the fall. We already have several retirement funds (we are both “government” employees with state benefits), but we had started looking into expanding on those a bit with the financial advisor.
As for the debt… late last year, we realized we had CRAZY high interest rates on our Amazon and PayPal cards (25%+), so we went ahead and got a personal loan from our bank. We paid off all our debt with that (three credit cards and a different loan), and the interest rate is about 13.95%. It is way higher than we’d like it to be, but much lower than we were paying originally. Other than that, we’re fairly comfortable with the rest of our interest rates. Our cars are around 3% and 9.6%, my student loans range from about 4% – 6.5%, and our mortgage is right around 5%. We definitely may consider trying to transfer that personal loan to something with a lower rate though!
I know it’s a personal choice. Given your budget plan, you probably will save money by breast feeding. Congrats!
Thank you for the congrats! This one isn’t quite a question but I am definitely still happy to address it and have plans for a full blog post about it soon!
With this baby, we decided to go straight to formula, which I know can be a killer on the budget (but we will make it work again). With Caleb, I tried breastfeeding for a few weeks but ultimately gave it up. With my postpartum depression, as well as the need to go back to work, it was too much. The newborn phase was an incredibly hard time in my life because I deal with anxiety and depression, then add in the “no sleep” thing, and as someone who NEEDS a good amount of sleep to feel healthy and well (I suffer from migraines), SOMETHING had to give. I gave up breastfeeding so that I could have help with feeding time, and it lifted a HUGE weight off my shoulders and I immediately felt less stressed and anxious. It was also very physically painful for the duration of time that I did it.
I have my doctor’s full support, luckily, and he assured me that my child (like Caleb) will be healthy and well. While I know we may be spending upwards of $100 a month on formula, we will fit it into our budget like we did with Caleb. It’s worth the price to have my sanity in tact!
Miscellaneous
What’s your height?
A short 5’3!
If you had a free day (without kiddo and hubby), what would you do?
I would love to just relax! I’d go to the movies (I have a MoviePass so I love going now), take a nap in the afternoon, and spend the rest of my day reading on the couch and watching some reality TV. It might sound pretty boring, but it sounds pretty perfect to me!
You’ve mentioned before that you want to write a book, what kind of book do you want to write?
I always thought I wanted to be a novelist because novels are really my first love when it comes to books. In the last several years though, I’ve started leaning more towards writing memoirs. A few years back, I started to work on one about my weight loss journey and how it brought Jerry and I together. People have always been interested in our “unique” love story and I wanted to expand on that. It’s been awhile though and I haven’t gotten far with it. More recently, I’ve also toyed with the idea of writing a book of essays about motherhood. This is a pie in the sky dream for me though as I don’t ever do any actual work on said books… maybe one day when I have more time (HA! When will that be?!).
Advice
Steph should I date a boy a year older than me?? plz help (we are both under 18)
I am NO expert, but I think that if he is kind and treats you well, he could be someone great to date! If you care about each other and you enjoy spending time with one another, it might be a wonderful experience. My husband and I are two years apart and have never found it to be a problem. As you get older, small age gaps like that matter less and less. When you’re young though, an age gap CAN make a big difference. You need to be mindful of that age gap, not only for legal reasons, but also because those gaps can matter since you may be in different places in life.
I can’t give much advice other than that. You’d want to check into legalities and all that, too (which I believe comes into play once one of you turns 18).
hey Steph something is really bothering me… I really like this guy who is friends with my best friend who I only see once in a while since they live about 2 hours away. I really like him but I’m confident he might just want sex. Do I take the chance because of the nice things he’s said and his sweet personality or do I wash it down the drain?… thanks Steph xoxo
I had a long answer for this, then decided I just wanted to say NO. If you ever think a guy is using you for your body, it’s a definite no. I don’t know you, but I DO know you deserve better.
No comments