As introverts, we are very often misunderstood. People think we’re rude, shy, and antisocial. I know I come across that way, but it’s not true at all. Here’s the truth—and the five biggest things I want you to know about me, us, and my life as an introvert.
1. I Am Listening, Even If I’m Not Talking (I’m Probably Not Talking)
You might think I’m not paying attention to what you’re saying, but I’m probably paying better attention than anyone else is. If I’m in a group of people, I’ll likely only contribute if I’m comfortable with all of those people, or if it’s something I feel really needs to be said. Otherwise, I’m just listening, observing, and taking it all in.
An old boss once told me she liked having me in meetings because she knew that anytime I did speak up (though it was rare), it was only when I had something important to say. In other words, I’m not going to uselessly babble. I am listening though—pinky promise!
“You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.” – Stephen Chbosky
2. It’s Not You, It’s Me (on Saying “No”)
Look, I hate having to say “no” and decline invitations, but sometimes I really, really have to. If we had plans and I broke them—or if you invited me somewhere but I never gave you a direct answer—it’s nothing against you. It’s all me.
I get overwhelmed easily. I need peace, quiet, and alone time. Working all day with the public can drain my energy, and the only way to re-gain it is by being alone. None of this means I don’t like you, or I don’t value our friendship, because I most definitely do. I just struggle to make myself go places, especially after a long day or week.
Even if I don’t see you often, I try to enforce our friendship in other ways, like chatting via text. That’s my way of letting you know I’m thinking of you even when I’m not around. I love you—so please don’t take offense if I simply say “no” sometimes.
“Alone had always felt like an actual place to me, as if it weren’t a state of being, but rather a room where I could retreat to be who I really was.” – Cheryl Strayed
3. I Still Want to Be Included and Be Your Friend
Even if I’ve said “no” for the 15th time, I still want to be included. I know it can be frustrating to keep inviting me only for me to decline, but eventually I’ll probably say “yes.” Please don’t stop asking—I want the opportunity to decide for myself.
I hate feeling left out, even though socializing is hard for me. My energy is limited, and I have to choose wisely how I use it. But if you’re my friend, it’s because I really like you. There are only a handful of people I let into my circle, and if you’re one of them, it means I adore you.
“The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some it’s a Broadway spotlight, for others, a lamplit desk.” – Susan Cain
4. I Didn’t Mean to Say That (on Being Awkward)
So I finally said “yes” and showed up. I’m at your house, or at a restaurant, or maybe just chatting in the break room at work. And then it happens: I say something weird.
I drop a joke that doesn’t land. I talk too fast. I blurt out something dumb that makes no sense. Sorry—I know that was awkward, and yes, I’ll probably go home and cringe about it all night.
Small talk and conversation don’t come naturally to me (writing does!). Please forgive my awkwardness—it’s just part of who I am.
“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” – Stephen Hawking
5. I Am (Probably) Overwhelmed Right Now
As an introvert, I get overstimulated so easily. I was just telling Jerry last weekend that sometimes I lose my temper with the kids because they’re so dang chaotic. So loud, so noisy, so energetic! I feel like the Grinch hearing all the “noise, noise, noise!”
When I retreat to my room for a nap, it’s not always about sleep. I just need quiet to recharge. If I’m in a noisy environment, I can literally feel the tension build inside me until I either snap or have to walk away.
If I leave a party early—or don’t go at all—this is why. Large gatherings and chaotic settings aren’t just uncomfortable for me; they drain me completely.
“Introverts, the world needs you and it needs the things you carry. So I wish you the best of all possible journeys and the courage to speak softly.” – Susan Cain
✨ That’s me, in all my introverted glory. If you’ve ever wondered why I act the way I do, I hope this clears things up a bit.
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