Just a few short weeks after Jerry and I married in October, our hopes and dreams were answered in the form of a steady, excellent, full time job with benefits for Jerry. He arrived here in Rochester in June 2012 and struggled to find a good fit for him job-wise for a very long time. He’s been working basically the whole time he’s been here, but most jobs were part time, full time without benefits, and then a full time job with benefits that was only a temporary job. We had so much anxiety about how we would afford to move out on our own, and how we would ever afford health insurance. After hundreds of applications and no job offers, we were feeling very discouraged.
Then things happened very quickly in November, right after our honeymoon return. Jerry received THREE offers in the same week! One was for a promotion at the company he worked for at the time, one was a part time hospital job, and one was the job he accepted and is currently at: a full time job with benefits, health insurance, retirement, and the whole shebang. After some hemming and hawing, the decision was made to take that job because the benefits could not be beat.
Jerry loves his job working in building services at the local community college. It’s an amazing place that I attended for 1.5 years of my undergrad and loved. I am endlessly proud of him for how hard he worked to finally land this job and we are so relieved because this job helps provide for us many of the things we need. The downside, however, is that I am now a night-shift wife, and a newlywed to boot, which makes it even harder.
See, I work days and get out of work at 5PM. Jerry STARTS at 5PM. That means that on weekdays, we really don’t see each other. Sure, he sees me when he gets home in the middle of the night and I’m asleep, and I see him in the morning when I wake up for work and HE’S asleep, but that’s not really quality time, now is it? We text through the day and night and cherish every second of our weekends together. Buuut, since I’m also at the start of my own career, I also work Saturday mornings, getting out at 2. I LOVE my Saturday morning shift but I miss the time with my husband.
So on weekday evenings, I’m a night-shift wife. I get out of work, usually have dinner with my parents, then head on home to our quiet, empty house. My dog, Dakota, keeps me company. An introvert by nature, I have always thrived on and cherished alone time where I can recharge my batteries and just be by myself. I love quiet time full of books and shows and blogging. In fact, I get quite stressed out when I have a lot of plans and quite like the rare occasion when my calendar is empty and clear of all social obligations.
As much as I love alone time though, and always have, I miss my husband. I want to just have dinner with him, go shopping with him, curl up and watch movies with him, even just have him next to me while I read and he games. And while we get to do these things on the weekends, after I get out on Saturdays, our day and a half together goes by way too quickly every time. It makes us appreciate each other more, sure, and our time together is wonderful since it’s so rare, but I still envy all the couples who get to spend all their evenings together just doing the mundane things that people take for granted.
I’m trying to branch out, be more social, and get out there a bit more. I’ve started a book club which has been fun and successful, and am going to start going to a craft night this month. Being social doesn’t come naturally to me, but I need to try a bit harder at it so that I don’t spend ALL my week nights alone, though I do enjoy them frequently.
Anyway, I hope this night-shift isn’t forever. Hopefully he can get a day shift eventually, but for now I know it’s necessary. It’s one of those “you gotta do what you gotta do” situations, ya know? For now, I’m trying to take it all in stride. I’m trying to cherish the quiet moments, make the most of our rare time together, and be more social with friends so I’m not so lonely. I’m sad that I’m a newlywed who rarely sees her husband, but I’m proud of my husband even moreso. Even though I try not to dwell on it too much, and some days are harder than others, I know we will be okay.
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